"I served in the military, too....."

This article is a little different from my previous writings....….


During my time in the Navy, and as a civilian, I have heard many wives and mothers, especially wives say that they served in the military just as their husbands had. What they are basically saying, due to the demands and sometimes strenuous military life, many of the wives honestly felt like they went through the same military experiences as their husbands. And during war times, many mothers and wives worried so much about their sons and daughters, or husbands that many of them suffered from high blood pressure, strokes, and other physical ailments that required medical attention, especially if they ended up losing a loved one to death.


However, it annoys me that so many wives actually claim having been in the service to the point that they start to believe it. First of all, I will say that I have personally witnessed many very supportive wives of their husband’s military career. Many of them stuck with their man through all the travels, school changes, culture shock, and the everyday military "stuff". Then there are the wonderful mothers who send care packages to the sons and daughters overseas and even send enough “goodies” for them to share with other comrades. I have witnessed the generosity and strength of the wives and mothers, and their contributions of letter writing to troops overseas, and their concerns in general. No one can deny the fact that wives and mothers have helped military personnel handle the loneliness, and the death and destruction of war during very trying times. Love and support goes a long way, and no one can deny the power of a spouses or mother’s love. But it is still not the same as serving in the military, or actually wearing the uniform!

My final draw to this subject came one day at work. I was attending a seminar on post traumatic stress disorder and the Vietnam veteran (I worked for the Veteran Affairs (VA)), when the speaker asked “Who in here served in the military?” Several hands went up. He then began to ask us individually to share the branch of service we had been in, and a little about our time in service if we cared to. The speaker asked one lady that had raised her hand to stand and tell us about her experiences. “Oh, I never served in the military. It’s just that my job as a counselor allows me to hear so many stories from veterans -- that I feel like I served too.” That was about all I could take. Years of listening to this same statement over and over again finally took its toll on me….. “Ma’am, excuse me, but I have to say something…..if you didn’t actually wear the uniform, spend time in a jungle dodging bullets, or are suffering from some serious mental issues from having served, then you didn’t actually serve in the military. We have veterans here with serious issues such as broken limbs, missing limbs, serious mental disabilities, and many of them are paralyzed, and you’re claiming to have served in the military because you sympathized with their war stories! You can’t claim military service just because you heard a war story. If that’s the case, most people can say they were in the military.”

I had a co-worker who had been in the army, she watched eight (8) of her comrades die because someone threw a bomb into their tent while she was in the Gulf War during the early 90s. She was the lone survivor and received a purple heart for her injuries. She has also been in counseling for years because of the incident and the memories; she lost several good friends in the explosion, and has had several skin graphs as well. Because we both are females, we both served in the military, although she was army and I was navy, and we’re both around the same age; I guess I can say that I was in that tent as well and received a purple heart. I don’t think so. I can empathize with her, and I understand the military culture, but I can’t claim her pain. And no one can claim military service if they weren’t there to live it or witness it first hand.

Feeling sympathy and the pain of a loved one who is serving, or who has served in the military, is not the same as the person who is serving, or who has actually served in the military with the battle scars to prove it!